Come join my pity party! *VENTING*

Today I am feeling so blue and blah! So if this post is depressing I apologize. Just let me vent and sit on my pity potty for a little while before I get up and get myself motivated to make some changes!

This morning my hubs tells me that one of the places that he works isn't doing very well and he fears may close soon, leaving him with only one crappy job instead of two crappy jobs. Which then means that instead of doing sucky financially we'll be doing extra sucky financially. AHHHH!!! So he went and filled out an application for a new job just in case.

I don't know why change scares me so much. I'm always up for change until the time comes to actually do and start a change. The thing that pisses me off the most is that my hubs is really really smart and is an extremely hard worker, he just needs to find something that is available, pays well so he doesn't have to work two jobs and gives him more time at home. Which in today's economy is going to be very hard to do.

I've even thought about going out and getting a small job just to help out. But my problem is I have three kids with health issues and no extra time to leave the house to work. My oldest has ADD/ADHD and has after school programs twice a week for extra school help and is going to be evaluated for SPD and will be starting soccer back up when the new season starts to help get all her energy out in a positive way. My son has numerous health issues which requires that he goes to doctors all the time and has pre-school twice a week. And my youngest has all her SPD issues and now is starting therapy twice a week. Plus my hubs is never home so who am I going to get to watch my kids, take them to all their appointments, pick them up and drop them off places, feed them, bathe them, clean up after them, love them, read to them and all the million other things that moms have to do for their kids on any given day? Plus the fact that for me to work only to pay someone to do these things is just ridiculous to even think about. What would the point be?

What am I supposed to do? I didn't finish college because I got preggers four months after we got married and since then really have no job experience except for a photo studio and grocery store. I would love to somehow find a job that allows me to work from home but again, no qualifications. I want to go back to school but again, who is going to watch my kids so I can? My dog? Both my parents work full time. (Well my dad did but then lost his job last month and is in the process of finding a new one.) My sister works a full time job, goes to school, volunteers her time at different places and is sitting on a board for a non-profit organization. So she's out too! I don't trust my kids with just anyone because of their health issues along with personal reasons, so I don't want to just find them the nearest and cheapest sitter either. (sigh)

The economy sucks ass! I'm sick of it! I've thought about selling our house and living in an apartment but with the way things are right now we'd never sell our house. So we're stuck here in this house and in the same rutt that we've been in for forever except now we are facing my hubs loosing his job and being stuck in the same kind of job that he's been in for 11 years. He needs a good/real/safe/reliable job but where is he going to find one? Plus the fact that we need a new car. How in God's name is that going to be possible? What are we going to do if/when his car breaks down? We're paying off our debt and our medical bills and trying to get our heads above water! Will this ever end? Will things ever get better for us? Will things always be this hard and sucky all the time? Good God I'm stressed out to my max right now! I feel like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.

Things will change, yes. Things will get better, yes. Everything happens for a reason, yes. BUT I'm just sick of this. I need things to change for the better N.O.W!!! I know that everyone is going through problems like these and it's not just us...I totally get that! I'm just to my breaking point now and need to vent about it.

Thanks for reading. I feel a little better getting this all out. Anyway, back to job searching!